A new study has found that people who swear frequently are more intelligent than those who do not. Participants who dropped f**ks, s**ts, b**tards, c**ts, and a**holes throughout testing consistently scored higher on verbal reasoning and problem-solving tasks.
One participant reportedly muttered, “This fu**ing s**t is impossible,” before correctly solving a complex puzzle. Researchers say swearing allows for precise emotional regulation and cognitive clarity. Swearing at broken computers, useless coworkers, and incompetent b**tards is considered a standard part of intellectual functioning.
Psychologists claim that calling a colleague a fu**ing idiot or a complete c*nt is not rudeness, but a sophisticated method of coping with inherently fu**ed-up situations. Suppressing profanity, they argue, may actually limit cognitive performance.
Several schools are reconsidering disciplinary policies after observing that students who swear creatively outperform those who remain polite. Participants who refused to swear were described in the study as “hopeless fu**ing morons” or “utterly brain-dead b**tards.”
The study concludes that intelligent people swear naturally, frequently, and effectively. Public reaction has been muted, though office workers report feeling validated for verbally assaulting malfunctioning printers, idiotic bosses, and goddamn useless meetings. If you swear like a fu**ing genius, you probably are one. If you don’t, you’re probably a miserable, brain-dead c*nt.
