In a result that surprised no one, London has once again secured the It Could Be Worse award — for the fourth year running.
With streets reeking of weed, sewage, and despair, the air itself seems to whisper ‘give up’ between the sirens and the sound of someone throwing up outside Wetherspoons.
Judges praised London’s relentless commitment to managed decline, citing its world-class blend of crumbling infrastructure, casual violence, and council estates so rundown they could star in a post-apocalyptic film.
Mark, 29, from Peckham, told Newseless that the favelas of Rio are safer than the high street. ‘At least in the favelas, you see it coming. Here, you step out for milk and end up as a chalk outline on the pavement.’
Meanwhile, Sadiq Khan insists London is a thriving, world-class city full of opportunity and culture.