In a groundbreaking move to improve efficiency in inefficiency, the NHS has proudly unveiled a new online feature allowing patients to join a waiting list for a waiting list. Officials say the system will streamline the process of being ignored by providing people with a clearer sense of just how far away help really is.
Patients logging in will now be greeted with a handy new option: “Register Interest In Joining Queue.” Once selected, users will receive an email confirming that they are on the pre-waiting list — pending approval to join the main waiting list — for an appointment that may or may not exist.
“We’re really excited about this innovation,” said NHS Digital spokesperson Karen Briggs. “Previously, patients had to wait months just to find out that they were on the wrong list entirely. Now they can experience that disappointment much sooner.”
The government hailed the rollout as a triumph of modern healthcare bureaucracy, promising further improvements such as waiting list loyalty points, where patients can earn rewards for time spent waiting.
Meanwhile, NHS leaders insist the update demonstrates their commitment to transparency. “We can’t fix waiting times,” one executive admitted, “but we can at least make sure everyone knows exactly how long they’re not being seen for.”
